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As someone who has focused on building businesses and wealth for the better part of two decades, I’ve almost always been focused on more. More customers, more employees, more services, more investments, more franchises; I’ve always been more focused.
As entrepreneurs, we generally want more – and on the face of it, there’s nothing wrong with that. By getting more customers, you can hire more employees and add more value to the world at large. More customers and employees, if done right, will mean more money and more opportunities to provide for your family and invest in other opportunities. Those investment opportunities can provide all involved with other jobs, income, housing and money.
At a glance, more is generally better. Chasing more isn’t immoral or wrong – but chasing more can have other far-reaching consequences, some of which can negatively impact your life, or at least I find it negatively impacting mine.
Related: 4 Things Science Says You Can Do to Be Happy
Contents
Why don’t I feel like I’m enough?
At a recent counseling session, I found that my pursuit of more created a sense of “not enough” for both myself and my wife. I can only assume it extends to the feelings of my children and other people I care deeply about.
Coming from humble beginnings, I have always had a mindset of consistent excellence. When I’m not building, my legacy slowly crumbles. So I’m focused on building businesses, our podcast, our mastermind, my investment portfolio, and myself to more than yesterday.
What I’m discovering is that my constant pursuit of more has created a restlessness for both myself and my family that isn’t healthy – and I don’t practice what I preach to those I coach. For me, the family should always be the most important thing in life and taking care of your family should be the top priority. I believe I’ve done so well as a business owner and I believe I’ve created a life for us that I otherwise wouldn’t have without a mindset of striving.
What I’m also discovering is that what got me here isn’t necessarily what gets me where I want to be in the future. The pressure I put on myself to perform and get better has leaked out to other relationships. While that pressure of more has been great for my business partner and me to build Easier Accounting into an eight-figure business and create a successful podcast and mastermind group, it doesn’t facilitate the relationship I want or need with my wife. She senses my constant need for more and feels like she’s not enough for me.
Related: Do You Want to Be Happy? Stop doing these 10 things.
What do I do about it?
While I still want to pursue new endeavors, I’m putting them on hold for the next three months. I take the time to re-evaluate what it looks like to believe I’ve had enough. I take time to be thankful for what I do have and the life I’ve built for myself, my employees, and my family.
I really believe that it’s okay to want more, to focus on building and creating value for society. It’s a noble endeavor that requires sacrifice and its ramifications are far-reaching – greater than we could ever know as business owners. But there comes a point when your pursuit of more becomes more than just a virtue or an act. When it becomes part of your personality, it can create deep-seated feelings of inadequacy for yourself and those around you.
As you build business you generally improve your network, at least I have, as I have invested in masterminds and built my network and established relationships with high level business owners. Comparison crept in and what once felt like a lot no longer felt like enough when I compared what I had built to what others had built or were building.
Dealing with business owners who do more is very helpful if you want to build your own business, especially if you are just starting out. You often run into glass ceilings and when you see what others are doing you can move past and break through those glass ceilings. It is the oft-cited Roger Bannister effect. The brain sees that it is possible when others show that it can be done.
That demonstration is super powerful for many aspects of business, but if you allow it to sneak in and comparison run rampant, it can become detrimental.
It reminds one Kurt Vonnegut poem written in 2005 that tells the story of him and another author at a party of billionaires on shelter island. Kurt claims to Joe Heller, “How does it feel that the host made more yesterday than your book ever did?” Joe replies, “I’ve got something he’ll never have.” Kurt asks, “What’s that?” Joe sums it up perfectly… “Knowing I’ve had enough.”
I’m learning that what I have can be enough. I’m learning to be thankful for all the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am today. I am learning that if I take the time to smell the roses now, I can create even greater things in the future, as I will be more present and aware of the opportunities that come my way.
Related: Yes, You Can Be Happy While Pushing Yourself To Success
What I’m learning and what you can do if you feel like you’re not enough
The greatest lessons I learn about myself through this process of self-examination are twofold…
- Money will never fill the hole in you. Money can make life a lot better – and there’s nothing wrong with chasing money – but there was a time when I thought money would solve all my problems. I learn that money sometimes magnifies the problems we think it will solve. Jocko Willink talks about creating the reflex to label any challenge as good, so I consider the realization that I still don’t feel I’m enough as a good thing. If you don’t feel like you are enough despite seeing successes and creating progress in your life, the first thing you can do is take it as a good thing. You can see it as an opportunity to figure out what it takes to be yourself enough and why you feel that way. Take the time to get to the core, it is good that you are aware of this.
- Comparison is your friend or your foe, and it’s who you compare yourself to that matters. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others, it’s a slippery slope that can lead you to never feel like you’re enough. The grass is always greener on social media than in real life. Compare yourself to previous versions of yourself, see how far you’ve come, and be thankful for the opportunities to get better. Think about how you once wanted to be where you are today and be proud of the accomplishments you’ve accomplished along the way.
At the end of the day, I’m still learning how to be okay with what I have, even though I know I’ve built a life I should be proud of. Most importantly, I’m relearning to compare myself only to who I was in the past and to focus on being thankful for the changes I’ve made to become the person I am today – and hopefully this insight will help you do the same. doing.
Janice has been with businesskinda for 5 years, writing copy for client websites, blog posts, EDMs and other mediums to engage readers and encourage action. By collaborating with clients, our SEO manager and the wider businesskinda team, Janice seeks to understand an audience before creating memorable, persuasive copy.