Priscila is the CEO of LifeLabs Learninga global leader in manager training for technology, financial services and healthcare companies.
getty
Most people see conflict at work as dangerous or at least unpleasant. For example, in the US alone, about 400,000 people die every year from medical errors. One of the main causes of these unnecessary deaths? The fear of speaking to spot doctors’ mistakes. Medical staff often allows and watches doctors make mistakes because avoiding conflict is safer.
So whether the purpose of your workplace is to save lives or to achieve an important outcome in a high-pressure environment, getting a conflict right is important. But it’s not enough just to encourage people to challenge each other. It is also critical to have a high conflict competence. The good news is that it is possible to increase conflict competence more quickly.
Peter Coleman and his team at Columbia University interviewed 149 expert conflict mediators to identify the three main contributors to successful conflict outcomes: (1) intensity, (2) structure, and (3) transparency. At LifeLabs Learning, we studied our own supergroup of more than 2,000 customers to discover the skills and systems that bring these three key factors to life:
1. Conflict Intensity: Lower is Better
Our brains perceive the same message content differently depending on the tone of the conversation. In general, a lower intensity conflict results in faster and more satisfying resolutions.
Go down the escalator
Someone comes up with criticism and your heart rate skyrockets. You bring up a concern and notice that your voice is tightening. These signals are all signs of escalating conflict intensity. The skill? Catch yourself on the way up and gently lead yourself “down the escalator”. Silently name what you’re feeling — a practice called “affective labeling.” Then take a deep breath and imagine that you are descending a physical escalator or elevator. If the intensity of the moment is too high, ask for a timeout. For example: “I notice that I am not in the right frame of mind for this conversation and want to approach it thoughtfully. Can we try again in an hour?”
Ritualize retros
Surprise is an emotion enhancer. When a conflict overwhelms us, the emotional intensity increases and our receptivity to learning decreases. Emotional intensity is also affected by novelty. The less often we experience conflict, the scarier it feels. Schedule ritualized retros to reduce surprises and increase comfort in conflict. Our favorite retro questions: “What went well?” [with this case/patient/project/week]? What was particularly good about the way we communicated? How could we have communicated better? What do we want to try to do differently next time?”
2. The more shared goals, the better
The most difficult conflicts are win-lose scenarios. The good news is that colleagues naturally have shared goals (even if it’s not always obvious). The more people feel they can both benefit from a solution, the easier it is to reach.
Use an ‘us versus the problem’ frame
Even if our shared goals should be clear (eg, excellent patient care, satisfied customers), conflict can create a false sense of opposition in our brains. Skilled communicators notice this frame and articulate a clear “us versus the problem” reframe. For example, “Okay, so we both want this client to sign with us and have two different ideas on how to get it done. What would be a good way to explore both options to find the approach that works best for us? ” Or, “We all want to avoid layoffs, but we need to cut costs. How should we decide which cuts make the most sense based on our goals?”
Celebrate the collaboration
At a team or organizational level, ensure that employee goals are aligned. If only the person who pitches the winning idea gets the credit or only the salesperson who closes a deal gets a bonus, the system sets people up for destructive rather than constructive conflict. Shine a light internally on successful collaborations to underline that working together makes the cake grow rather than leaving someone cakeless. No one should miss cake.
3. Conflict transparency: more is better
Conflicts are much easier to exploit if the purpose and process of the conflict are clear. The more insight people have into each other’s needs, and the more clarity there is about how to discuss them, the easier it is to quickly find a solution.
blur
LifeLabs Learning has explored what sets the best communicators apart, especially in high-pressure situations. We found one common microbehaviour: great communicators “blur” confusing or ambiguous information. Deblurring may look something like this: “I find that the purpose of this decision may be blurry. What do you see as the goal?” Or, “so I can understand, would you mind sharing what’s important to you about that?” Or, “When you say we’re running out of time, what timeline do you have in mind?”
Create conflict norms
Take the guesswork out of how employees should handle conflict by creating conflict norms together. Especially when we work across cultures and generations, it pays to make implicit expectations about conflict explicit. For example, “Before we make a decision, let’s go around and share one perspective that we may not have thought of.” Or, “If someone disagrees with you, ask questions before debating.” Or: “If you have feedback for someone, go straight to the source.”
So the next time your brain tells you to view conflict as a threat, remember that there’s a greater danger lurking in our workplaces: conflict avoidance. To create constructive conflict, keep the intensity low, focus on shared goals, and be transparent about the purpose and process of the conflict. It might help you save a life, a business, a relationship, or — at the very least — some time.
businesskinda.com Business Council is the leading growth and networking organization for entrepreneurs and leaders. Am I eligible?
Janice has been with businesskinda for 5 years, writing copy for client websites, blog posts, EDMs and other mediums to engage readers and encourage action. By collaborating with clients, our SEO manager and the wider businesskinda team, Janice seeks to understand an audience before creating memorable, persuasive copy.