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Vitiligo is a skin condition in which patches of colored skin lose pigment and turn white. This cosmetic condition is physically harmless, but can make “spotted” individuals stand out from the crowd. I’ve had vitiligo since I was twelve. It started as a small spot on the side of my mouth and my mom thought I forgot to wipe off toothpaste. Now, at 43 years old, 35% of my body has lost pigment in various places on my arms, legs and back.
Most would view this condition as disfiguring, socially debilitating and, quite frankly, depressing. Yet my success today has been guided by a journey to be gracefully different. Listed below are four reasons why from made me stand upwards as a stronger leader.
Related: 4 Surprisingly Easy Ways to Stand Out From Your Competition
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1. It’s okay to feel lonely
Growing up, I didn’t know another soul that looked like me. It was clear that people would talk about me behind my back and immediately consider me an outsider as soon as an introduction was made. The feeling of being detached and unconsciously left out, even by the most well-meaning people, became a normal feeling during my adolescence and young adult years.
Yet today we often hear leaders say, “It’s lonely at the top.” What they mean is that they struggle to find real personal connections with the people around them. This is because an inherent balance of power arises when one person is responsible for the livelihood of another. How can someone make a real and meaningful human connection when their salary is on the line?
People who are different, and who have been different for a while, can empathize.
Great leaders therefore learn to be comfortable in the discomfort of loneliness. And for those who stand out, they’ve spent years preparing for exactly this experience.
Related: It Doesn’t Have To Be Lonely At The Top: Why Entrepreneurs Should Take Charge Of Their Mental Health
2. The ability to exercise vision can make or break you
The “mirror itselfis a concept developed by Charles H. Cooley that states that people see themselves as we think others see us and act accordingly to make sense of everything. In short, our identity is a self-fulfilling prophecy based on what we think others think. related, Audrey Lorde says, “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I’d be crushed in other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”
I learned this while doing my Ph.D. in social psychology and it was enlightening and inspiring to say the least.
Being different can teach future leaders how not to be eaten alive and how not to allow what they think others think of them to become reality, materialized with action. People who are different can make it their choice to define who they want to be and to give others a compelling vision of their authentic selves.
Importantly, for those who make this choice, practicing the skill of spreading vision among friends and family, and constantly navigating one’s sense of belonging in groups, gives them a refined leadership presence, boldness, vision and exceptional communication skills that colleagues will not develop. until much later in life – if they develop at all.
Related: Words Matter: Tips to Boost Leadership Communication
3. Emotional intelligence is a muscle you need to develop
Wanting so much to feel a sense of belonging, while being different can play tricks on someone. Throughout my life I have learned to notice the slightest non-verbal hint, the slightest intonation of voice, subtle changes in posture, a small movement or a minute change in the direction of the eyes in order to understand a person and know where I am stood with them and their judgments.
The goal for those of us who are “different” is to work our way into belonging and avoid situations where we are not.
But mastering the skill of knowing quickly, precisely and at first sight what people are thinking and “where they are” in their mind’s eye can be helpful in inspiring ways. This skill enables those of us who have been “standout” for quite some time to know exactly how to encourage others to reach their potential, how to model ways of interacting with team members, and how to authentically trust and earn support from direct reports, clients and other key players on our leadership journeys.
Related: 5 reasons why emotional intelligence is the future of work
4. To lead well, you must be a lifelong learner
Rick Warren once said, “All leaders are learners. The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.” Indeed, an intense curiosity about people and the things around you is required to lead well. We all know that one grows by staying the same. Leaders need to scan all ideas, topics, and environments other than their own to make connections, spark creativity, and build momentum in the marketplace.
Standing out with a skin condition like vitiligo has made me so curious about the world around me that I’ve become a lifelong learner of myself. If I add this to the other life lessons I’ve learned along the way, I’m thankful I stood from so that I could stand upwards as a stronger leader. I hope you are too.
Janice has been with businesskinda for 5 years, writing copy for client websites, blog posts, EDMs and other mediums to engage readers and encourage action. By collaborating with clients, our SEO manager and the wider businesskinda team, Janice seeks to understand an audience before creating memorable, persuasive copy.